Fullmetal Dilemma
by xxx-hentai-xxx
Summary: Hime drags her reluctant friends, Skye, Raven and Kei, into another one of their schemes to get into the FMA Universe, only this time... It works.
1. School Days

"NO WAY! ED'S BETTER!"

"NO! HAVOC IS!"

"YOU'RE WRONG!"

"SHUT UP! THE PAIR OF YA'S!"

"NO! NOT UNTIL SHE ADMITS ED IS BETTER!"

"THAT'LL NEVER HAPPEN!"

~

"AWW! FUCK! TIME FOR SCIENCE!" yelled a slightly pissed off Hime, "C'mon Skye, time for sleep."

"Yeah, I guess," Skye just sighed; she didn't want to do to science.

"Hey! I just got a brilliant idea! Why don't we wagg?" Hime's face lit up.

"You know what, I agree with you," Skye said reluctantly.

"But I can't afford to miss a lesson!" said Kei, with a slight sigh.

"I wanna wagg too!" Raven was jumping up and down, willing to do anything to get out of her maths class.

"Looks like we win Kei!" Hime walked off in the direction of the girl's toilets. "Follow me."

"I guess, but I still can't afford to miss any classes." Kei reluctantly followed the others.

"Now when I say go, we run across to the servo station, and if you get hit by a car, you're too slow." Hime looked both ways, "GO!" They all ran across road in unison.

"Now what?" Skye asked with pure boredom written all over her face.

"Easy, remember how I told you that I memorised some of the runic circles from FMA? Well, I thought it would be cool if we tried the one that transfers us through the gate," Hime smiled, she was a little too happy about this.

"But don't people die when they go through the gate?" This time it was Kei that spoke.

"That's a minor setback! Even if we could open the gate on this side, someone would need to open it on the other side." Hime ran into the servo and bought some chalk.

"You're willing to risk our lives for some stupid fandom! You're such an idiot!" Skye just stared at Hime in disbelief.

"Yeah, but it's not a stupid fandom, this is ED we're talking about! " Hime looked at Skye, and began to draw the circle."

"Yay, we're gonna meet Ed!" Raven was once again, far too happy about all this.

Hime stopped drawing the circle. "Did someone give you chocolate?" She then turned around and continued to draw, she really wanted this to work, and to not die from the process. She grabbed her pocket knife and cut herself, letting her blood drip on the circle. "C'mon guys, you need to put your blood on the circle!" Skye looked at her disbelieving, Hime had a pocket knife? How long had she had that? She just shrugged, stole the knife and did the same. Raven stared at the two, cheering she too grabbed the knife, but she didn't cut a finger like the others she decided to cut her toes.

"Raven, really? Your toes? Are you that obsessed with being an individual?" Skye sighed, why did she hang around with these guys? Kei on the other hand was just staring, with disbelief, she hurt herself normally, why would she do it on purpose?

"What's with you guys?" Kei went to walk away, slipped and fell, cutting herself. Hime and Skye grabbed her, much to her displeasure, and made her blood fall on the circle.

"It's complete!" Hime jumped for joy. "Now, everyone put your hands on the circle!" She hoped that this would work. The ground began to glow. "It's working!" Hime began to cry, she would finally meet Ed, it was her lifelong dream. There was a bright flash of light, they were all blinded, even the people innocently driving past. There was a loud bang, two cars had crashed right were the girls had been.


	2. Are You a Furry?

"Hey, Ed, guess what!"

"What Mustang?"

"YOU'RE A MIDGET!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT EVEN AN ANT COULD SIT ON HIM AND HE WOULD BE SMOOSHED!"

"I never said that."

Edward and Roy were at it again, they were patrolling the streets along with Alphonse, Riza and Havoc. Riza and Al just sighed, they knew that there was no stopping them when they fought, Havoc on the other hand was driving, panicking. "Hey, uh, Ed?"

"Yeah, Al?"

"I think I saw something down that alleyway."

Havoc turned the car around, knowing that Ed and Roy would want to turn around. He pulled the car up next to the alleyway and Alphonse was the first to rush out of the car.

"KITTY!" Alphonse chased after the poor kitten, wanting to keep it. Ed face-palmed. He should've known this would happen.

"Here little kitty, I have some kitty food for you!" said a female voice in the shadows. Ed, Al, Riza, Roy and Havoc walked cautiously, ready to take action, towards the voice. Al raced ahead as he saw the cat race towards the voice eagerly, he knew that the person wouldn't hurt the cat, so he thought he was safe. Ed, Roy Riza and Havoc kept walking slowly, they knew Al wouldn't get into any serious trouble, he would at least be able to keep himself fighting until they got there.

"Hey big sister! Do you like kitties to?" Alphonse looked at the strange girl.

"Heh, you think I'm your big sister? You're terribly mistaken, but yes, I love cats! I always have always will, my friends call me the crazy cat lady, like the one off of the Simpsons." The girl just scratched the cat's chin, and it began to purr with delight.

"Hey big sister, why do you have a tail, and ears on top of your head?" Alphonse studied her orange and white tail, "Are you a furry?"

The girl just laughed, "You think I'm a furry?" she then replayed Alphonse's message in her mind. "WAIT WHAT! I DON'T HAVE A TAIL!" she spun herself around, panicking, then it struck her. "It must've happened when we went through the gate, but that means," She looked at Alphonse properly, "OH MY GOD! YOU'RE REALLY YOU! WHERE'S ED! OMIGOSH!" she leapt up ecstatically, she then realised her friends were around her, Kei's arm was bent backwards, she had a monkey tail and some monkey ears, Raven had jet black wings, and Skye had the ears and tail of a German Shepherd. "Sorry, I just realised I didn't introduce myself, I'm Hime." She just smiled at Al, while holding the cat in her arms.

Ed, Roy, Riza and Havoc raced up once the yelling had stopped. "My, my, what do we have here?" Roy said with an eager grin, four young girls that had just magically appeared in an alleyway, he thought that they would look good in a miniskirt. The girls could all tell what he was thinking, so they grabbed their bags and threw them at him, even Riza didn't stop them. Hime just ran up to Ed and glomped him, while squealing the whole time, his face went bright red, you could tell that he hadn't been glomped before. "HIME! GET OFF ED NOW!" Skye was yelling like a madman, but then she noticed Havoc. She, being a fan-girl herself, couldn't help herself either, but she casually walked up to him, then tackle-glomped him. "SKYE!" This time it was Raven and Kei at the same time, Al, Roy and Riza were astonished that they said it at the exact same time, Ed and Havoc were too busy trying to get the two girls off of them. Kei and Raven turned and grinned at each other. "So, ladies, what's with the funny clothes?"

The girls looked at each other, knowing that Roy meant their school uniform, "This is our uniform and this proves that we go to school." They all grinned at each other, being able to freak people out with their ability to say thing at the same time. Hime bent down and picked up the poor little cat as it mewed for attention, but she gave it to Al, as she heard him muttering about how he wanted the cat. "Hey Al, can I check something?" Hime didn't even wait for him to reply, she just took off his head, "OMIGOD GUYS! CHECK THIS OUT!" The girls all rushed over to look inside Al's suit of armour. "Damn! I thought there was a midget in there, someone shorter than Ed, that would've been pretty epic!" and of course, at this comment Ed began to rage, but Hime stopped him mid sentence by hovering her face just over his, yelling "PERSONAL SPACE INVADERS!" his face went bright red. Skye just frowned, "Hime, don't toy with him like that!"

"Don't spoil my fun!" Hime licked the side of Ed's face and went back to stand with her friends, she received a hi-5 from Skye. "I R TEH EPICZ!" The military crew (the girl's nickname for Ed, Roy, Al, Riza and Havoc) just stood there astonished at the girls' behaviour. "Hey you guys, I just realised, we have nowhere to go!" Hime said while scratching the back of her head. "Hey Ed, do you mind if we stay with you, or Roy, could we stay with you?" Hime was really starting to get confused. She just sat on the floor. Kei was standing there, she was meditating but only the girls knew that, the military crew thought that she was asleep, Ed walked up next to Raven "Hey, uh, should we wake her?" Raven just laughed, and the girls went up to him and whispered in his ears, "Doing so will incur the wrath," and they all yelled in his ears, "OF THE KEI! IT WILL BE EVEN WORSE THAN SEEING THE TRUTH!" and that was enough to send shivers down his spine, but his ears were ringing. He took a step backwards, back to his brother. Roy on the other hand, was all too eager to help their predicament. "You guys can stay at my place!"


	3. Chapter 3

The girls reluctantly agreed to stay at Roy's place, they really had no other choice, they had nowhere else to stay. "Hey Roy, how big is your house, I mean, I know it's huge and all from the fanfics I've read, but how big is it really?" Raven was jumping around Roy, her mouth moving a million miles an hour, she was bored, but so was everyone else. Riza had already made Roy promise not to flame the poor girls, but he wasn't so sure if he could restrain himself. The girls were all whispering behind him, all except for a certain little kitsune who was nowhere to be seen. Roy turned around, clearly annoyed. "Where is she? I know she's here somewhere! Tell me where she is right now, or I'll flame you all!" he didn't expect the girls to answer, but Kei walked up closer to him, and let out a small sigh. "What's wrong, why did you just sigh, what's she done?" he began to panic, he met these girls an hour ago and he knew that Hime was crazy and also liked to light things on fire.

"Well you see..." she trailed off not knowing how to explain this, "she kinda..." she began to sweatdrop, "already knows where you live and ran on ahead, she said she was going to burn some kind of skirt." Kei ran back to the safety of Skye, knowing that Skye would wipe the floor with Roy if he so much as lay a finger on any of her friends.

"You mean she's at MY house, burning MY miniskirts! I'll flame her, and there's nothing you can do to stop me!" He ran ahead, forcing the girls to run aswell, their plan was working perfectly. Yes, Hime had gone to Roy's house ahead of everyone else, but she wasn't going to burn his miniskirt collection, she had other plans for that.

They finally arrived at Roy's house, puffing and panting, and Roy raced inside, ready to flame the poor 'innocent' girl. "Hey is that you Roy? Where's your bacon? I want to make bacon and eggs, but I can't find it! I've spent the last fifteen minutes trying to find some, and if you don't have any, I will steal all your money, and spend it all on bacon, so you can't take your dumbass girlfriends on dates." Hime walked out of the kitchen in an apron she had found (she didn't want to ask why he had one) and was covered in flour. "Oh yeah, you don't have any flour now, I kinda spilled it all, just letting you know." Roy face-faulted, the other girls had said that Hime would burn his miniskirts. He raced upstairs to his miniskirt room, and they were no longer there. "Oh by the way, Roy, I took your miniskirts hostage, just because I don't trust you." Roy raced downstairs, shoved past Kei and pulled on his gloves, Kei, of course, went crashing to the ground, popping out her shoulder, this caused Raven to panic, causing Skye to panic. Hime heard Raven's screams and whacked Roy over the head with a metal spatula and raced over, only to see Kei's arm at an odd angle. Skye walked up to Roy, cracking her knuckles. "Hey, dipshit, get your ass over here right now, I have a bone to pick with you!" Roy slowly backed away, even if he did flame Skye, the other girls would be on him in a second. Raven and Hime helped Kei pop her arm back into place and began to circle around Roy, even Kei got up, looking revengeful. "Hey Akki, 'bout time you woke up, now let's kick some military ass." Said a slightly happy Skye, as she looked at Kei.

"Who's Akki?" whimpered a soon to be beaten Roy, "and why is there someone other than you four in here?"

"There was always five of us, I am just one you cannot see, I have no physical form, so I have taken partial control over Kei," the voice came out of Kei's mouth, but was male, and near impossible to describe. "These girls also call me the evil side of Kei, as I appear whenever she gets angry." The girls began to snicker. They knew this was going to happen. "I think that it is time you apologised for damaging Kei's body, either that or I will do anything and everything to make sure that you are punished." Akki growled, and Roy, not knowing what to make of this, he thought he was going to have some 15-16 year old girls staying at his place, but now he knew just how wrong he was. "Great, so now I have an escaped mental patient," Roy mumbled, gesturing to Hime, "one nutjob," gesturing to Raven, "one psycho," gesturing to Skye, "and someone who has multiple personaltities." Gesturing to Kei/Akki. "This is NOT what I signed up for!" Hime lay a hand on his shoulder, and slid her hand down his arm. "What are you doing Hime?" He didn't trust her, if it were some other female he wouldn't have minded, but this was Hime. Hime didn't answer him, she just grabbed his hands and put her face close to his, she could hear his heartbeat, and she put her lips close to his, "I've always wanted to do this Roy, ever since I found out about you." Roy gulped, not sure what to think of this. Hime gripped his hands even tighter, pulling them closer to her chest. She then smiled, and pulled his gloves off, quickly slipping them onto her hands. "Wow, I've got Roy's gloves!" she yelled as she ran around the house away from the vengeful Roy. "Go Hime! Run like you've never run before!" yelled an ecstatic Skye. Hime waved back with one arm whilst trying to get a spark going with the gloves, but of course she failed, not being able to click has it's downsides, so she threw a glove over Roy's head (who narrowly missed it) into Skye's not so capable hands. "Kgo now! SNAP BOOM at Roy!" shrieked Hime, who was still being chased. Roy finally caught up to Hime, who was by now exhausted from being unfit, and grabbed her gloved hand. "Hand it over now Hime, or I will hand you in to the authorities!"

"BLEEP-BLOOP! Roy earned an achievable! Roy made a pun! Did you know that puns are punny? Plus, you ARE the authorities aren't you? So technically you would would have to hand us in to yourself, meaning you would still be stuck with us!" Hime loved to confuse people like this, she had no idea what she was saying half the time which made it even more confusing when people congratulated her. Roy just face-palmed, she had once again thwarted him with her confusing logic, he had no idea what an achievable was, but nobody was going to tell him. Roy tried to pull the glove off of Hime's hand when she growled, "I wouldn't do that if I was you"

"Why not?"

"Because I'll bite you"

"No you won't, you wouldn't dare"

"Oh but I would."

Roy grabbed the tip of a glove finger and slowly slid the glove off of Hime's hand, then yelped, she had sunken her teeth into his arm, drawing blood. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! YOU PSYCHO BITCH!" He tried shaking her lose, but that just made her bite down even harder. "LET GO OF ME NOW OR I WILL FLAME YOU!"

"Oh yeah, how, I have your glove." Hime mumbled through Roy's flesh.

"Hey Skye, can I have my glove back?" Roy tried to play the helpless male look, but that just made Skye laugh, she clicked her fingers right next to his ear and singed the tip of his hair. "Oh that's it, when Hime stops biting me I'm gonna flame you all!" This caused Hime to bite down even further, Roy's blood dripping down her jaw, and let go, she slapped across the head with her glove hand and raced towards Kei/Akki. "Hey Akki, are you asleep again?" Hime whimpered, Akki was terrifying, he once tore up some of Hime's pokémon posters, so she now resented him.

"Akki was out again? It's been more frequent now than ever before, maybe I should let Akki take complete control over my body." Kei winked at Hime, but Roy shivered, Akki had said little but he knew that Roy never wanted to meet Akki again.

"I'm going to have to repair my coat now, and your going to pay for it Hime, your stupid teeth ripped through it!" Roy touched his wound and winced.

"I guess that it's still too tender for you," Hime laughed, wiping the blood from her chin and licking her hand afterwards, "Hey Roy, your blood tastes nice, I want more!" she smirked as she moved closer to him, her eyes alight with humor as she looked at his wound. She pounced as he moved to the side, and she slapped him on the back, "What do you think I am, a cannibal? You really are an idiot!" She threw her head back in laughter, and walked back to her friends, still wearing one of Roy's precious gloves. "I'm going out for a walk, if I get kidnapped, come rescue me, or even better get Ed to rescue me," and with that she walked out of the house, still trying to click and get a spark from the glove.

"WELL I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY DUMBASS!"

"What've I done?"

"You made her upset, and knowing her, she will get lost and someone will kidnap her! We aren't from around here, and it only takes one look to notice that, don't go after her either, get Ed to do it, she won't listen to anyone else." Skye punched the wall, and that's when she noticed that it had been too quiet while all the biting and yelling had been going on, Raven was missing. Skye grabbed Roy by the ear and dragged him out the door. "You can come too, Kei, but you'll most likely be injured, again."

Kei just shook her head, "I'm not going to let my friends get hurt," she followed Skye and Roy as they trailed Hime, who was pulling something out of her coat.

"Is that a gun?"

"How would Hime get a gun? Sure she knows how to use one, but she doesnt own one." Skye snuck up a little closer, _at least_ _I hope it's not a gun._ Hime kept on strolling, counting the money in her hand, _I'll never figure out how to count this money, how much of this will buy me some bacon? _Roy ran up to Hime, shoving her to the ground. "Is that any way to treat a woman?" Hime got up and grabbed the money that Roy had knocked out of her hand. "Thanks alot, now I've got to count it all again!"

"You weren't carrying a gun?"

"No, just money for bacon, now let me go to the shops!"

"Well where's Raven?"

"How the hell would I know?" Hime turned to walk away, "I do remember seeing her walking out, looked like she was bored, you might wanna start looking for her, if she hasn't already, then she **will** get lost, and knowing her, she has been kidnapped," and with that she passed out, on the path, into Roy's arms.

"C'mon Roy, let's take Hime back to your place, we need to make sure she's fine, better to worry about those we know we can help." Skye took Hime from Roy, not trusting him with her friend, and they slowly walked back to Roy's house. "Kei, did Hime say anything to you when we were at school, about being tired?" Hime usually went for days without sleep and passed out, she couldn't help it, she was an insomniac.

"She didn't seem tired when she almost bit my bloody arm off!"

"She goes hyper after she's tired." They arrived back at Roy's house and put Hime into bed. "We have to figure out what we'll do about Raven. God only knows where she is, and I bet that she's driving her kidnappers insane." Skye sat at the table, writing down some plans of attack.

Meanwhile... at an undisclosed location...

"Hey could I please have some chocolate?" whimpered a slightly scared Raven. Her kidnappers just stared at her, one just nodded, they had to keep her happy, or the colonel would flame them. The larger one walked up to her cage and handed her a block. Raven squealed with glee, her friends never gave her chocolate because they knew of the danger that would follow afterwards, but these strangers had fallen into her trap. She gobbled the chocolate gleefully, and sat there, quietly for roughly ten minutes, this scared her kidnappers, she hadn't shut up until she had eaten her chocolate. Raven sensed their unease and began to laugh maniacally, she opened the cage door (the large kidnapper had left it unlocked) and stood there, staring, at the two kidnappers. She raced up to the small one, she looked like she was about to kill him, but she had other things in mind. She ran around him in circles, shouting "I'M AN AIRPLANE!" causing the kidnappers to facefault. They already knew she was insane, but this was taking it to a whole new level. Raven raced up to the smaller kidnapper again and checked her height against his, she was half an inch shorter, causing her to curse, so she ripped off his mask. "Hey Ed, how does it feel to finally be taller than someone?" Ed just scratched his head, how did she know it was him before she pulled off his mask? "Did you really think that you could get at Roy through me? Last time I saw him, my friends had his gloves, Skye singed Roy's hair and Hime was chewing off his arm, and by then I think Akki had awoken, that's why I left. Plus, I wouldn't have come with you willingly if I didn't think you were you!" she then turned to Al, "you were what gave it away Al, a giant suit of armor and a midget, I only know one pair like that." Ed began to rage, as he usually did at a short comment. "But at least you're taller than someone! I'm always the shortest!" This made Ed feel better about himself. He put his hand on Raven's shoulder, "Hey, it's alright, you're still growing right?"

Raven just laughed, and walked over to Al, "Do you think I could go now? I think the others would be worried about me, I could even pretend that you guys rescued me!" Al nodded and walked with her, Raven tried to climb on Al, but Ed shot her a death glare, causing her to climb off. "We 'kidnapped' you so nobody else would, please don't hold it against us" whispered Alphonse.

"I already knew that. Let's keep going. I want to get back to Roy's place, before they start looking for me." Raven ran ahead, forcing Edward and Alphonse to run too.

Roy's front door burst open, Ed stood at the door with Al behind him, carrying Raven, being careful not to crush her wings. "RAVEN!" Skye and Kei rushed forward, shoving Ed out of the way. "Did you give her chocolate?"

"Yeah, why?" Ed scratched his head, puzzled. "Did something happen because we gave her chocolate?"

"We're all doomed," sighed Skye, "when she wakes up she will go completely insane." This made Ed and Al jump, they thought she was insane before. "I guess I'll make everyone some tea." Skye got up and walked into the kitchen, followed by a loud crashing noise. Kei was the first one in the kitchen. Skye had collapsed.

"Is this a thing you girls always do? Skye, Hime and Raven have all fainted." Roy pointed out glumly. "How long until you pass out too?"

"Well," Kei had noticed this too, "maybe it's because we went through the gate?" Kei hoped she was right. "I'll make some tea, seeing as Skye collapsed," Kei walked into the kitchen, wondering if, no, **when** she was going to faint. She boiled some water and made some tea. "I'm getting pretty tired guys, I think I'll get some sleep." Kei stifled a yawn. "Which room do I go to?"

"Choose any room you like, as long as it's not mine," Roy mumbled. He didn't really care, he too needed to get some sleep, but he didn't trust Ed. "Ed, you can get going now."

"I don't think big brother and I should leave, big brother is already asleep." Al looked at Roy, "do you mind if we stayed here for the night?"

"I guess, I'll be upstairs if you need me." A loud crashing noise came from one of Roy's guest rooms, Alphonse and Roy raced into the room, only to see Kei sprawled out on the floor, a vase was broken beside her. Roy shook his head and lifted Kei onto the bed. "I wonder when they'll wake up, what do you think Al?" This was a rhetorical question so Al didn't answer. Roy stumbled upstairs, drained from his blood loss. "I'll see you tomorrow morning, okay Al."


End file.
